Wednesday, March 14, 2012

But, but, but ... he's your brother

I feel like ranting...

So it's time to debunk some common social misconception: siblings


I sometimes get asked how my brother is doing. I can only guess the reasons they ask me rather than my brother himself, but if I had to make an attempt I would say it is due to their unwavering respect for his personal life, combined with their burning curiosity for other people's affairs.

This question usually gets answered with "Don't know" followed by a voiced or implied "don't care". (though I've sometimes used something impersonal such as "fine" to avoid having to repeat my arguments for the umpteenth time) Then I usually get some manner of lecture on how I should care more for my brother. So it's time to once and for all shoot these arguments down, in the vain hope that they stay dead.


1. he's your brother

So, I should care about my brother because he's my brother. Circular logic much? If I have to explain this one, there simply is no hope.


2. He's your only brother in the whole wide world

*casually points out the other brother* But I'm guessing you mean that he is unique and should be treated as such. Three other things that are unique: an ant, a cupcake and a snowflake. I hope you are (not) suggesting that I should char my brother with a magnifying glass, eat him and store the remains in freezer in a futile attempt to preserve it?

Straw-man aside, everyone in this world is unique in their own unique way and as such the uniqueness losses it's uniqueness. If you want me to care, you'll have to prove why this uniqueness is better than another brand of uniqueness. Which of course brings us toooooooooooooo....


3. The genetic link

False. first of all there is no reason why siblings should have even a single chromosome in common (If you don't know what a chromosome is or don't understand why this statement is correct you do not even have the right to invoke the genetic argument) With one notable exception: same sex siblings will have their father's sex chromosome in common.

So in other words, I share the male chromosome with my brother. Whoopty-freaking-doo, now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a nano-particle, small enough that when containing my joy it won't cause an implosion capable of destroying the universe.

Second of all, for most humans, the functional part of the genome is roughly the same. If not, you either don't get past the zygote stage, or you have a genetic disease. If you need to base your arguments on the person being diseased you might want to rethink your opinion. Most variation occurs in random areas that have no real significance (as far as we know).

And of course genetics isn't the only thing that determines a person, which brings us tooooooooooooooooooooo...


4. You grew up together

Indeed you got me there. We did indeed spend 20 years or so together. And indeed, you are completely right when you claim those 20 years of accumulated experiences should be overruled by your 1 minute impulse romantic vision.

Look just wishing for something to change and expecting it just happen overnight doesn't cut it. Maybe if you set up some good rites and put 20 years of praying in it may have an influence. Then again, by the time you're done with that I'll have another 20 years of experience for you to negate. As you can see, this is a lost fight. You're welcome to either try or give up, as long as it stops you from interfering with me.


Some of you might be thinking that I hate my brothers. This is untrue. In fact I'm quite okay with them, even if it's just for the fact that they have the good sense not to try to dictate my life and feelings to me. Like some assholes seem to do. It's them I hate, those delusional assholes.

There, now we can all get along by asking at least one less stupid question.

Happy Pi-day everyone. ^^

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Fresh rant? A reason to rant

It feels like ranting time for me again. There is a change though, finally. I shall first tell you why I say "finally".
Lately I feel like there has been something missing. Missing from what keeps us moving forward. I wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, work, eat lunch, work some more, go home, eat dinner, watch a movie or some series episodes and go to sleep. And from time to time I feel content doing that. I also have been in the dumps over being single again. I tried subscribing to some sites (yes yes, I know, it's pathetic, but hell) to meet some new people. I met one girl and we get along fine, but there is no real spark. Same with some other girls I know who I might have an interest in. I get along fine with them, and we have nice talks, and I can even show some of my true colors to them. But again there is no spark. It made me... depressed, again. But I am kinda sick and tired of being depressed, so I set myself to the task of thinking up a solution. To know the solution you must know the question. The question in this case: why can't I create a spark [of interest]. Ah, perhaps it's me, but hell, looking at the other couples out there, I seem like plenty a good guy. Sure I'm nerdy and geeky and a gamer and what have you, but I'm social. I have a bunch of friends who are dear to me like family. I go to clubs and dance, I'm no wall-flower with a soda-pop in his hands. I can carry a great conversation when I get past the first step (heh), and I can use both intelligence and witty humor to charm the person opposite of me. So what is wrong? Is it me? Is it them? I tried asking them: is it me? The answer was no on several occasions. But honestly, I beg to differ. I thought about it, from different angles. If it's not me it's them. But I think I'm enough of a people person to read them, and no I don't think the problems lies there. So we're back to step 1 (didn't get very far, right? hah!) : it's me. So what's wrong with me? I have a job, I make good money, I have good colleagues, a good boss, a good company, and so on. But I explained the situation before. I eat, I work, I sleep. And my motivation is being drained every day. My hobbies and my interests are what keep me up, together with my friends and my social life. I used to have a good motivation during College. The will to make something great, the creativity inside of me could be harnessed and had a way out, and I made great friends doing it. Work is... different. Sure I love programming, but creativity is difficult. I'm still a new employee and I feel the pressure of my colleagues, to be as good in my job as they are. Being creative in your solutions take time and I don't give myself this time... yet (I hope). And my colleagues are good people. Great people even but they will never be as close to me as my College friends will be. So... yeah. That conclusion is easily made. It's something I have to live with. For the moment, for a starter, this job is great. I'm not willing to give it up for a gamble just yet. So really, today I realised... I have no real thing that is "me".
So here is the conclusion about what changed about my ranting. I used to rant when I have questions. Questions about why things happen the way they do, and what I should do when I feel this crappy. But this here, it's a rant about finding an answer. It's a small one, but it's a step.
Fuck it, I'm a coward. More so, I'm one of the worst kind of cowards, I'm a lazy coward, too lazy to go out and fix it when some possible answers are right in front of me. But I need to find one that is "me". I need to find the motivation to break out of this, "funk" you can call it. Most of my life I am coasting along, looking for support, needing love as support, but more and more I'm getting the feeling I need to break free.

And probably, when I break free, I can be someone who can create that spark.

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Friday, September 30, 2011

A tough question

When signing up for some site I often stumble across this really hard question, which they expect me to just gloss over and leisurely answer. However I find it hard to do just that; And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I sincerly hope that one day such questions will be either abolished; or properly expanded to fully grasp their profoundness.

Without further ado, the question in question:
(since the wording of the question may vary, I've boiled it down to it's pure essence, making it easier to understand and identify.)

"Hello there, I know you've suffered many years pondering this problem and it has had severe psychological effects on you such as depression and suicidal thoughts, and it will probably result in severe societal issues in your later life; nevertheless I would like you to choose one of these two heavily laden terms to better specify your place in our marketing mold, rather than true personalisation of your profile."

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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The inability to rant

Hmm, it seems both me and Mor are having a problem here.

We're both at points in our life we can see important decisions and pathways, but we both seem to have developed an inability to rant at this point.

Mor has some concepts in the works, along with one half finished rant I wanted to pick up on, but we never finished it.

For me personally: the fact that I already type 8 hours a day at work doesn't help... and I utterly hate classic writing, prolly because I suck at writing properly... and in a readable font...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, dammit...

Anyways, I'm posting this, at least it shows we aren't dead yet.

Lots to think about in this nice weather.

*sighs*

--Warynn out

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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Global Game Jam 2011

Heyy, another blogpost!!

This time though, it's a unique experience I want to talk about (well unique for me),
and I felt if I didn't talk about it I'd miss out on sharing this to the world.

Earlier this year I signed up for a game development event called Global Game Jam.
The goal of the event was for game developers to come together and with small teams of
up to five people, make a game in 48 hours. Yes, it could be described as a mad rush, or as a innovative and new way to stimulate creativity. I would be a great experience and
a way to see some of my old classmates back.

Now I'm sitting here in the morning, it's 8h50 pm and I just slept a meager five hours in my sleeping bag on the floor. My face is all red from my makeshift pillow (bunched up clothes) and my eyes feel like they might as well be used as sandpaper. But I'm fairly content sitting here. It's a blast, hehe.

Day 2! Our project, for the moment called "fresh fiiish" is about infected fish trying to spread or stop the infection (depending on good or evil). It's going to be a silly game with each infected fish needing controlling with one keyboard key. Yes, if you have 20 infected fish, you'll need 20 keys ;). For the moment, the prototype is "ready" and now comes importing the first of the art assets and testing and polishing for the real game. We'll see how that goes... but first, breakfast!

Hehe, it's funny to see those people that have just woken up walk by with their dazed look. I know it's how I must have been looking when I first woke up, but I was one of the early ones... Well, early in this... bout of waking people.

I'm glad I bought a food-packet arrangement for the weekend, they certainly feed us enough and we get a lot more than we payed for. Yay sponsering.

Anyways, now I'm really going to enjoy my breakfast, and see about turning those damn fish around to join your infected horde, without breaking the gameplay. You'll prolly hear more from me later, but for now...

--Warynn out

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Animus

Sometimes, there is a time for all of us, when we want to talk to someone who isn't there. Sometimes ,there is a time when we want to talk about things that drive us, that define us, that keep us busy. I started this place just for that, to talk to the void, to talk to people that aren't there. I made this place so I could tell a story that unfolded inside of me, that yearned to be let out, or that would and did explode in tears.
Life never is easy, we all wish to run away from it. We all wish we could take a break, just sit there and think things over. We all wish for time, we all wish for wisdom, for what to do, for what will come.
Perhaps this place, for me, is a place of self reflection. But I know, for me, this place is also of catharsis, and of expression. For me it allows me to express what can't be expressed. Things for me that can't see the daylight, nor can see reality. It's for that, that I write a story, no that I write stories: Worlds in me that yearn to get out, but can't be shown during the day, can't be expressed to friends, or family, or people in general.
It's during these moments, these moments that my mind yearns for a break, that my soul bursts with doubt about my path, with fear for the future, my hope for my goal, that my mind wanders of to the worlds I create. The worlds where one can be what he or she wants to be. Where all can be written as we wish, where all can end as we wish. But still, if we would let the world in our minds unfold when we write it, would we not face the same hardships, the same inner turmoil and doubts and fears and hopes as in the real world.
They say that the grass is greener on the other side. So our minds create these "other sides". But really, are they so much better? They are filled with magic, monsters, knights, warriors, fighters, aliens, antagonists, protagonists, allies and enemies and friends and hopes and fear and futures. Same like our own worlds, our own realities.
But still, we go to the other side. It's for that that we write and create the worlds, it's for that that we allow our alter ego's, our avatars to lead the way into these so called greener pastures.
Everyone has doubts. Everyone everywhere sometimes feels like I feel now, like you don't have the strength to carry on to the next morning. That you wish that this day would not end for fear that tomorrow you will falter, and your path eternally altered to a less bright future. We wish... But still, we have no choice.
It's for that purpose that we create these other worlds, that I wish to create worlds and places and stories. For they allow us to face our fears on a different ground, they allow us to forge ahead into our future. They allow us to fight our doubts, and see them crushed beneath our own soles/souls, so that we can keep building our tomorrows. It is for *that*, the fact that we can go to sleep in peace, and wake with the knowledge that this tomorrow, this new day will be a Good Day, it's for that, that I want to create worlds...

It's for fighting my own doubts, facing my own fears, it's for putting myself at ease, so I can go to sleep, knowing tomorrow I will find my path, and that it shall lead me to a future I always wanted...

So here I say: Mor, welcome to my world, friend. May you find the same peace I find here, and may you forge your own blade to fight your demons.

We will stride on.

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Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Chapter 2: The Vampire Hunters (part 1)

Vladimir and Benjamin were cruising through the city in the Ferrari Jonathan managed to borrow from a local distributor. The mild traffic gave Vladimir enough time to think. In the meanwhile Benjamin was tinkering with the radio they picked up from yet another local distributor. He was trying to tune into the police frequencies, but so far to no avail.

“Sir, what is our mission?”

“Your mission is to get that radio working.”

“It would be nice to know what where up against here.” Benjamin tried again.

“We're up against the police. So get that radio working, else we'll be going in without information.”

Benjamin grunted. After some time he got the radio working. They kept driving around quietly waiting for a useful report to come in.


The police station seemed like a ghost town, it looked completely deserted. Charles wondered where everyone had gone too. After a quick and fruitless search he thought of something. He rushed to the interrogation rooms only to discover that his feeling was right: Maya was gone. There had to be someone still here. Suddenly he heard someone talking, but they weren't speaking English. Charles drew his revolver and slowly advanced towards the source of the talking. He found himself standing in front of his own bureau. He took a deep breath, opened the door and stormed inside, pointing his gun at whoever was in his office. The two Caucasian men turned their attention toward Charles, then saw the gun and slowly raised their arms. “Charles Turner, I presume?”


Davy was rushing his van through the mild morning traffic. Those with vehicles substantially smaller than his better not hindered them, after all, physics was on his side this time. He always drove like mad when he was frustrated. His boss was in town and that meant things would go from bad to worse. This man didn't have the tact to interfere with his organisation, Davy thought by himself. Sure he was a good soldier and a potent commander, but he lacked the finesse to interact with a modern society. Davy wondered why they were still working together, Vladimir had nothing more to offer him really. He had been a great help getting his organisation of the ground, but now no more help was needed. And what was up with the total world domination? To Davy it seemed plain stupid. Why would you want to eradicate all your enemies? It just left you without a goal. What would there be left to live for when you have already accomplished everything?

Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He picked it up and answered it with a short “yes?”. This yes was soon followed by a “shit” and the crushing of the poor phone. “Call in the cavalry.” he said to Tobias. After the necessary calls were made Davy looked in the mirror to get a good look at the sports car that had been trying to pass them for the last 10 minutes. He now looked at Tobias and a grin appeared on his face. Tobias quickly checked his seatbelt. seconds later Davy slammed the breaks. The driver of the sports car noticed it to late and ran into the much larger van. The truck that was coming right after them saw it all and the breaks were slammed as well. This caused the truck to slip and soon it tumbled crushing the back of the sports car and blocking of the rest of the road. This was Davy's cue to take of again, while admiring his work in the mirror. He was satisfied, for now at least.


“And who are you?” Charles inquired.

“I am John and this is Peter” said the tallest of the two men, “We are with the Vatican section XIII, we hunt down and destroy evil creatures to protect God's children.”

“Then you are here to solve the slaughter on the airport?”

“Amongst other” Peter answered “we have been tracking this vampire for quite some time now. This is just one of it's many murders. Normally they are much more subtle and careful. We are as stunned as you are by this massacre.”

“Well I think you are just to late. She escaped and it seems she used the police force as a snack.”

“Two things”, John said, “Vampires only really need the blood, so the bodies will be around here somewhere. Some of them might actually still be alive. And second, this vampire is supposed to be the last vampire and we're quite sure this vampire is male, not female.”

“Those survivors, would we have to kill them? You know, before they turn into vampires as well.”

“No this is not needed. Vampires don't have real magical powers or anything, they are just very resilient creatures that prey on humans. It's not transmittable or anything. However this is nor the time, nor the place for this talk. We have more urgent matters to attend to.”

“You're right.” said Charles while moving to his desk. All of the sudden he stopped and looked outside. He noticed a rather familiar van parked just outside the police station. He turned around. “We need to go to the basement, the armoury. We need to get some weapons.” he said.

“Why?”

Before Charles could answer he was interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a helicopter.

“RUN!!!!” he shouted now. An instant later the outer wall and the windows seemed to explode. Fragments of glass, stone and wood slit through each other while trying to escape from their self inflicted carnage. Then the desk fell prey to the bullets and was ripped to splinters, and soon the entire interior had been transformed into shrapnel. The siege seemed to continue for forever. Then the sound of the explosions faded and only the drumming of the helicopter's blades remained.

Charles, John and Peter found themselves lying on the ground, dazed and surprisingly alive. It seemed like the entire building had been shattered. The floors were full of holes and the walls were nothing more than frames picturing the devastation that had taken place in the next room.

“Are you guys all right?” Charles asked.

“I am fine”, John said, “How about you Peter?”

A faint groan was all they heard.

“Peter!” John shouted, while trying to stand up.

“Be careful”, Charles said, “I don't think the floor can take much more.”

John heard the floor cracking beneath is feet. Slowly he tried to approach Peter. Suddenly they heard something else, the cracking of the stairways. Someone was coming up. Charles slowly took out his gun, pointing it at the dooropening. Soon two men appeared. As soon as they saw Charles, John and Peter they hid behind the doorpost. This abrupt movement made the entire floor tremble.

“Be careful!” Charles shouted.

The two men didn't get the time to respond. Two shots echoed through the hallway. The two men collapsed onto the floor. Then someone else appeared.

“Finally,” John said, “what took you so long?”

“I was held up by some corpses.”

“This is no time to be exploring your sexuality. Did you get the guns?”

“What do you think these are?” asked the men while holding a pair of rifles. He tossed them towards John, who tried to catch one of them. This appeared to be a bad idea. The floor started collapsing and everyone tumbled down to the second floor. After which the second floor tumbled down to the first floor, which in response tumbled down to the basement. The four now lay on top of the rubble, groaning and trying to pull themselves together. John was the first one who was able to move again. He quickly headed for Peter. He took Peters arm to check it pulse, but he soon put the arm down again and searched for Peters body. He found it lying under a bit of rubble. There was no doubt about it now, Peter had passed on. John got up and rushed towards the new man. He picked him up by his collar and shouted “this is all your fault!”

“Calm down,” said the man calmly, “unless you want to meet your friend in heaven right now.”

John released the man. “We never should have allowed you to come along.” John said.

By now Charles also managed to get up. He interrupted John and the man's bickering.

“We have no time for this,” Charles said, “Davy's reinforcements will be here soon. We got to prepare for them.”

“I'll take care of that,” the man said. And then he was gone.

“Who is this guy?” Charles now asked.

“He's some magician. He wanted to come along to hunt the vampire. It didn't seem like such a bad idea at first, since no one has any experience fighting vampires. We just figured any help would be welcome.”

“Okay. Now lets get out of here.”

“But what about Peter? We can't just let him lie here like this.”

“We can give him a proper burial after the fight is over. It won't help him if you die as well.”

“You're right. So where do we go?”

“To the vampire's liar,” Charles grinned.

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