Bad day Bad day Bad day

Yeah what the title says: bad day... It started out pretty cool and ok. I visited a longtime good friend and we had good fun. When we visited his grandmother rain started pouring down on us. We still had to go quite a way and we had nowhere to take shelter. I was soaked till the bone ~.~"; (forgot to bring my coat dammit). That itself wasn't so sucky, but knowing that that friend is the brother of my ex...yeah, old feelings anew. I mean geez, for someone like me who wants to comfort everyone (especially someone if have deep feelings for) and not being able to...... Makes me feel VERY sucky. Very very sucky actually. But hehh..... Anyway... ~~

Not much else to tell... More things later this week that I'm kinda looking forward too. Two parties with some reall good friendsfrom school. I wonder how it'll be (and where to sleep if I get to sleep at all).
Peace y'all...

--Warynn

Strange emotions

Hey all. it's been a while since I last updated (again). I told you I was lazy XD, I warned you. These past days had their ups and downs, but things are pretty stable now. I spend the past few days (the first of easter holidays ^^) playing Age of wonders: Shadow Magic. Nothing else to do and I'm giving my lazy side a chance =P. I gotte bring myself to do some work this week, because I'll probably have enough work to do for school.
On other terms, my emotional state is doing pretty well. I talked to some old female friend of mine, who I had some really great and fun times with. It was fun talking to her, and I kinda miss her and those good times. She told me she used to have a crush on me. ^^; First time in a looooong time someone made me blush that much =D. Feels kinda good, I wonder when we'll see ea chother again.
Yeah, the ways of life are strange indeed (("yes master obi-wan" =P pheh))

More thoughts, some other time
Peace y'all

--Warynn

Weakness

...I just destroyed my own happiness for the sake of someone else's. God I must be crazy. Another thing I thought I'd never do, all for that person. Graaaahh! I just...annihilated my soul...for her and she doesn't even realize. I should stop being this weak, this is going nowhere. Every...little...second...I feel my soul crumble of this weakness...

Stupid...............

Holiday Heat

Hey all. I'm in a pretty good mood today. No angst or stuff like that, just the casual holiday feeling. Mayeb a bit too casual cus I got an hypermedia exam on friday, but hehh, it's going ok :). Went eating today with my ex, her new "bf" and her brother. Was pretty ok, better then I had thought. You can barely use the word "relationship" when looking at those 2 ^^, which is a good thing. Yeah I know it is hypocritical and backstab-ish, but that's life ~.~". It's bloody 20°C outside and i'm here inside learning this shit O.o i should be outside in a t-shirt drinking some Cola and chillin' but noooo... damn*grumble*school*grumble*. Oh hell, 2 more days and then: FREEDOM!! ^^.

I'm pretty tired so sorry if things don't make much sense.
Peace y'all

--Warynn

Escaped from the void (for now)

Yeah i'm back, escaped from the void of sadness. Some really good friends helped me through it. I really needed the help. It feels kinda good feeling all those trustworthy people around me. Tomorrow going out. Thses walls are driving me nuts. I've been uneasy and uncomforatble all day sitting inside. It got better as the day progressed but I never really felt totally ok. I hope that tomorrow is going to change that ^^. Too bad I can't do it more (yet). Damn hypermedia exam *grumble, mutter* It's too damn much, I think I'm going to be straining to finish it all, except if we don't have to learn that last part. I hope not... bleagh ~~
Anyway...we'll see. I had other thoughts I wanted to write here but I'm so freakin' tired I can barely think straight. Need sleep ~~. Need it a lot. Maybe some more tomorrow, we'll see...

Peace, y'all

-Warynn

Betrayed!!

Betrayed...backstabbed... anally FUCKED, by a good friend nonetheless. How the fucking fuck FUCK HELLBUTFUCK is it possible that the forces who control this world are able to fuck me up even more then they already have...I CURSE YOU GOD YOU ANAL FUCK!!!!!

FUCK THE WORLD, NO-ONE UNDERSTOOD, NO-ONE EVER WILL!!


...

Let me die...now, before I suffer more

--Warynn, torn for eternity


/*begin edit*/
It's suprising, how words from people you've never met can be so very comforting.
So here, I'd very like to thank Sora Felix and Cinder Bear. Thanks so very much, those words mean more to me then you can imagne...
Yves you too, thanks a huge bunch mate, won't forget this.
Now if only I could stop crying.
For the rest...I wish the world would blow (it does blow already but in a different sense)
/*end-edit*/

Nothin'...Chillin'...

Hey all. Nothing to report actually. I'm just updating for the sake of updating. Only 2 more days of real school left till easter holidays. Yaay ^^; Less stress, more chillin'. Seeing my friends from my old school tomorrow. I'm glad, it's been a while. Yeah, she's also going to be there... I wonder how things'll go...
I've been trying to make another "picture". Well actually it's some nice screenshot (ripped or self made) from somewhere and some shiney glittery or other text layered above it. Normally I immediatly feel which color should/can be used, but lately I've been pretty sucky at "feeling" it. Everything I try, gradients, glows, shadows, all of it just doesn't seem to fit... very aggravating. Yes it's n00bie work, shush ^^; =P. I made a few already which I'm quite pleased about. I started because of...yeah...because of her. I wanted to make her something nice, just for fun. So I started editing some wallpaper I found somewhere and added some symbolic text and "voila" (for you english ppl "there ya go"). This latest is a screenshot (took it myself) from Gundam Seed Destiny featuring Athrun and Cagalli. I also found a pretty sweet line from a song (also from GSD ^^). But I just can seem to get the colors right...it's pissin' me off O.o"; I'm going to try some more after I finish writing this.

more tomorrow (hopefully)
peace y'all,

--Warynn

You're my immortal...

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

(--Evanescence)

//Never will it die...
//--Warynn

Weirdness ^^;

Weirdness, but in a positive way. This day began pretty boring again, but got better as it proceeded. I dreamed something very...strange last night but remembering that dream made me wake up in a good mood, so it wasn't all that bad. Skipped some economy lessons (have seen it in high school already so pheh ;) which made my day even a bit better, so I was in a pretty happy mood all day. Nearing the evening I was reminded by the strange ways of my mind of how lonely I am and I started missing my ex-gf again...*sigh* But I kept my good mood. On msn I talked to a friend and we started acting silly and faking that we were interested in eachother. She has a bf already and I'm not planning on screwing that up but it actually was fun and made me feel a huge lot better. It was weird, of course, but I feel so...relieved of stress and sadness now. Some powerful music while I was talking a shower added to that and made me feel hyper and roaring to take on the world. Too bad it's evening... I have to go to bed now or I'd be zombified tomorrow. Yeah it seems natural for me: being hyper at night. I'm kind of an evening/night person. Sucks, sometimes, when you have to wake up lonely and cold in the morning. Bleh I'll survive I guess ^^; hope that tomorrow will be as good a day as today... We'll see, come what may.

goodnight, peace y'all :)

--Warynn

Boredness

Sorry for the lack of updates. Really nothing important has happened. Well...not important enough to make it to my blog. My friends and me are making a game out of going with the elevator as soon as we see the chance, and hoping we'll get stuck again. Seems kinda foolish, but I don't really care about that :) Me and and my ex-gf talked things over. It's going better between us now, or so it seems. Haven't lost all hope...yet. Yes, I keep hoping for us to get back together. I don't know if I'll ever love someone like I love(d) her. But hehhh...no more about that, I'm trying not to think about that too much.
I got a new mobile phone for my birthday. Pretty cool thingy ^^ I'm still figuring out to use it tho, and I'm stuck without good settings for WAP, e-mail and mss :(. I'll ask someone at school, my friends are more knowledgable about mobile phones then I am. I really should get interested in more then just games ;). Then again I read about a game school opening at the border of The Netherlands and Belgium next year. I'd just loooove to go study there once I finished applied computer sciences here. But then I heard only 90 people can get in it every year... I wonder ~.~

I know nothing big but hey, I need to give you something to read ^^;
Signing out now, peace y'all

--Warynn

Ningen wa baka...

Ningen wa baka. It means "humans are stupid". Well or so it should I'm not sure if it's completely right. Why am I saying that? Because it is. Well not all people of course, but the people I know that aren't stupid are getting fewer... Some people who I thought were friends are now barely talking to me. Or when they are they're acting like total fucksticks. Do I attract sadness...? I'm so getting to much of it, I'm just so fucking sick of all this bullcrap! *sigh* Normally I had something to look forward to, something to keep me going from day to day. I've lost that motivation... I don't know how to keep living like this, it's destroying me! I don't think I deserve all this shit... Please someone do something about it, it's killing me...

--Warynn

19 years of ownage

Yup it's my birthday today ^^ yay for me. Now I'm 19 years of pure owning w00tage (not seriously but hey ;) It has been a very uneventful birthday tho. Some friends wishing my a happy birthday at school, my parents giving me a wacky birthday card...that's about it. My best friend's off partying with his gf, leaving me here ^^; (can't blame him, there was no place to sleep for me anyway, have a good time buddy ^^) I dun have a gf anymore, so life's still damn lame. Gotta hate it... ~.~" I plan on getting drunk tonight...alone... which is pretty sad, but I guess it can't be helped with this half-assed sucking life I lead. Well...tired woozyness, here I come. Maybe I could forget my worries and overall sadness (I know, I do sound like an alcoholic...bite me, see if I care for the moment)
Hope your having a good time. Peace y'all.

--Warynn

These feelings...

I just saw RahXephon The Movie. I don't think any of you would know it, but if you did don't hesitate to share it ^^; In my opinion it was a great movie. Just the kind of dreamy love story I like, but never actually saw, until now. I would've changed the end just a bit, but I understand the writer's reasons for doing it the way it was done. ... I just wish I had someone to share these feelings with... I wish it so hard...

Have to go to bed now... A lonely, cold bed.

...mamoritai...ai wa...

...

--Warynn

Braaaiinnss

/* Bleh, saved monday's post as draft instead of publishing. It's on now */

What a tiresome day. The getting up was a lot harder then yesterday, so now i'm feeling pretty messed up and exhausted. School was ok, and something relatively funny happened. Me and my friends got stuck in an elevator. We called our school, asking for someone to get us out, but after 10 minutes we forced the door open with our hands, then the people who were supposed to get us out arrived...by elevator... We had a few good laughs, but I hope that doesn't happen too much. Missed a good 20 minutes of programming class, which wasn't so bad (crappy teacher anyway). My heartache's gotten better too. I still think about it but it doesn't hurt as much. And I really have my best friends' comforting words to thank for that. Thanks a lot you guys and girls :)
Tomorrow's a class-free day so don't expect anything exciting, unless I come up with some random line of thought I need to share with you all. Finally some sleep!!

I'm almost falling asleep here, so goodnight y'all.

--Warynn